Monday, 13 December 2010

The small ads.

WANTED ~ Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties.Must be capable of contributing to the growth of the family.
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FALKLAND ISLANDS ~ There are vacancies for TWO CAMP TEACHERS in the Falkland Islands Education Department. Candidates must be unmarried men.
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Part time job ~ An unexpected vacany for a KNIFE THROWER'S ASSISTANT
Tel 740855
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The small ads ~ a gem!!!

AUSTIN ALLEGRO 1300 Taxed, Long MOT radio £395 o.n.o. Tel 401874 after 6pm.
AUSTIN, Cyril. Forever in our thoughts. Ivy, Jim and family.
AUSTIN PRINCESS 2000 HL, 1979, Superb condition, low mileage £10,375.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Where's skip???


This picture I spotted in a recent Daily Telegraph it would appear that skip has been arrested and is in Guantanamo Bay detention centre.

I am starting a petition for his early release (just before next season).

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Marathon man

Dave Warrick is keen to be selected again next year so he has decided that regular running will keep him fit during the winter months.
One ambition is to complete a marathon, now the exact marathon is 26 miles 385 yards, so Dave has a circular route measured out at Westhill exactly 385 yards long. He runs one lap daily, asked why, he replied that when marathon running, surely those last few yards would be the most difficult.

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Blobby's in love


Mr Blobby visited Brading recently and fell in love with Steve's granddaughter Lucy.

Friday, 24 September 2010

The close season.

I imagine all the retired EVERGREENS players are filling their time with their various hobbies. John Grace tells me he is writing an informative book entitled
"The onset of dimentia",
Cynthia says he's started it 7 times on his lap top but cannot find it when he wants to continue ~ oh dear.
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I am reading a great book entitled
"Jersey, a close-knit community",
soon to be followed by
"Cliff walking on the Isle of Wight" by Eileen Dover.

Thursday, 23 September 2010

An old EVERGREEN XI

Before one home match last season, skip listed on the board an old Evergreen XI.
It started something like this:

1. Pete Lambourne
2 Matt Ditto
3 Roger Unsworth
4 Tom Ditto
etc.

One player asked if Matt and Tom Ditto were brothers!!! DOH!

MATT LAMBOURNE (Where are they now?).

Matt left school and is now "up the college".
I am hoping I mis-heard him, but he said to my wife
"I go on a maths course Thursday afternoons 1 2 3".
Doesn't sound very difficult Matt.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

New players

A couple of new players came to Evergreens last season, playing just a few games and frankly they both worried me.
We had MARK ROBINSON NOWITS ROBERTSON who promptly stole Colin Nigh's long standing bowling record, Mark trooped off the pitch with a 0-69 from 4 overs, never caring how poor Colin felt about this sad business. Colin assures me that he will be doing his utmost to get back that record.
And then there was DAVID BROOKS, well if he's a married man then his wife should worry, all David kept on about in the changing room was "he fancied having Annette Saturday morning" and did any of us want to join him. "The more the merrier" were his exact words. I declined, saying that I had to go to Tesco, I thought he guessed I was lying. (I go Friday afternoons)
Skip ~ what sort of players are we looking for?

Spot betting at the EVERGREENS

The scandal of so called SPOT BETTING has reached the EVERGREENS, players may recall the last game of the season. or more precisely, the last over bowled by Colin Nigh (names will be named and indeed are).
The over went for 19 (NINETEEN), an un-named source informs me that Colin was seen exiting (not to be confused with exciting) a Shanklin bookmaker's the day after the game wearing a big smile and carrying a large money bag.
Colin ~ your teammates would like an explanation.
Rumours have started regarding other players:
Ex postman Geoff Read ought to explain some of his second class deliveries that have gone for bounderies.
How come Steve Palmer missed 6 stumpings in one over?
Inexplicable "Morris dancing" antics on the boundary by skip during the Pompey Supporters' Club game (Will they have 11 supporters next year?), come on Andy, what was that all about?
Merry Roger's running out of teammates ~ accident or planned?

Monday, 30 August 2010

November 13th do ~ can't wait!

Since the date was announced for the end of season do, a few players have offered "entertainment".
SO WHAT ARE THE POSSIBILITES???:
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BOB FREER says he will do a solo karaoke entitled "10 of Bob Marley's greatest hits". ("with a very convincing accent/make up" says Bob). You'll find out
"Who shot the sheriff" and.... who shot the deputy!
"Shouldn't be missed" says wife Nancy.
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DAVE GRIFFITHS has volunteered a talk about
"Traffic jams I have been caught in",
reflecting his life as a Southern Vectis bus driver. If this proves popular Dave says he could hire a double decker DPX 883W and give the talk whilst being driven around South Wight. Steve Palmer says "Can I pretend to collect fares? I have a conductor's badge"
Apparently, Dave's other offering is entitled "Stuck for an hour at Coppin's Bridge" and is a talk that lasts 3 hours ~ how does he do it? ~ fear not, he won't.
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RALPH ABBOTT would offer a talk entitled
"House re-wirings that I have done in Wroxall 1995-1998"
This replaces his earlier suggestion, a discussion/slide show of
"Electric plugs from around the world", all collected whilst on holiday. The Cuban 5-pointer is an excellent example of "what we are missing in Europe", adds Ralph.
Ralph will be bringing along copies of his first book
The wired and wonderful world of electrics
he says that he is more than happy to autograph copies for team members.
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DAVE WARRICK claims that his computer presentation about the
"History of the lawn mower"
would be welcomed by one and all.
An alternative would be Dave's enthralling talk on
"Bush trimming for beginners" with its "cutting hedge technology".
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COLIN NIGH claims that the audience would be intrigued by his talk on
"Odd customers I have met from the north of England",
with some humorous anecdotes. I have seen Colin's collection of 20th century plastic money bags, if they weren't so rare and valuable Colin would have brought them along. Private viewings in the back room of his shop can be arranged, says Colin
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JOHN DEAR suggests that a few excerpts from his book
"4 decades in teaching ~ the Dear Mr. Dear letters"
would be welcomed by team mates. John has kept hundreds of letters from parents and re-printed them in a concise book along with copies of replies made by him.
Examples:
Dear Mr. Dear, Our Jehovah was absent and away (double unattendre ed.) from school because he's been poorly and vommitting (sic). Do you know if he had carrots with his school lunch Monday?
Yours, Ms Waite
John received a letter of complaint suggesting that two of his PE teachers had verbally bullied a child, and would he investigate.
Dear Mrs. Lane, I have interviewed Wayne's PE teachers and it would appear to be a misunderstanding on his part. It was a cross country run and showers were forecast, Wayne, well, is not ideally built for running or, indeed any sort of physical exercise and when he overheard the two teachers talking about "heavy wayne" he obviously misinterpreted that statement.
Yours sincerely, John Dear.
Another example of parents' gratitude.
Dear Mr Dear, I am sure you remember my twin boys, Eric and Derek (Merrick) who left your school 7 years ago. Your final comments were "and I am sure they will go a long way" proved to be spookily prophetic. They are both in Zanzibar doing VSO work. Yours sincerely, their mum Derica Merrick
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GLENN MORLEY has a larged collection of bats and believes that his talk about the development of the cricket bat since 1880 will be of interest to all us cricketers. Glenn ~ a bat's a bat to most of us. I'd rather you told us how they make balls round.
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GEOFF READ contacted me asking if I thought whether teammates would be interested in his presentation "Things I have got jammed in letter boxes",
the short answer is "No, I don't think so", the long answer is "You're having a laugh, no I don't think so."
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JOHN GRACE shouldn't have given me lifts home as he will surely regret telling me a few secrets! Now retired for a number of years John informed me how he helps wife Cynthia a lot more with housework. He has managed to combine his life long interest in origami and ironing tea towels. It may sound bizarre and a bit out of Blue Peter, but John, working with tea towels, a hot iron, sticky back plastic, double sided tape and endless imagination has some amazing artistic presentations dotted about his house, I hope John gets the vote to show us how it's done on club night.
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Sunday, 29 August 2010

New gag.

What has SUSAN BOYLE got that Bunny Warrick hasn't?

Perfect pitch!!!

Monday, 19 July 2010

A matter of life and death.

Perhaps some players take their cricket a bit too seriously, sometimes the family takes second place. It must be love if your wife really wants to hear about your 1-37 off 4 overs and your 7 singles before being run out (again).

Evergreens player wins the lottery.

Bunny won a tidy sum in the lottery and decided to impress his team-mates by having "my man to drop me off at the wicket".
I said it was a little ostentatious, but skip said "It was a Rolls Royce".

Tactics


One of the "grudge" games of the season must be against RYDE 49ers, who can turn out an XI just as old, sorry, just as experienced as the Evergreens.
As can be seen, they will try any ploy to get at our batsmen to produce a wicket.

Practice makes ....


During the season, Steve Palmer can be found on Sandown beach getting in that extra practice that helps make him the club's 15th best fielder.
SKIP QUIP at a recent game after the sixth catching chance went begging "Dropping the ball is catching".
Oh no it isn't!

An experienced squad.

Skip Andy Morris can look at the squad and only admire the combined experience of hundreds of years that the players possess. The soon to be produced
"EVERGREENS ACHIEVEMENT BOARD"
should include:
John Grace: 1000 cans of Guinness after evening matches.
Andy Morris: 1500 cheese and pickle sandwiches eaten (inc. crusts).
Dave Griffiths: 100 turned down lbw appeals.
Glen Morley: 500 ""That was never lbw" comments to umpires"
Roger Merry: 50 run outs of team mates.
Bob Freer: 100 excuses (different) for being out.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

The hero.


All grounds need a groundsman, regularly blamed by both captains in turn if the result doesn't turn out as they would have liked. Knowledge of the weather, an A level in husbandry, knowledge of the inner most workings of a lawn mower, when to put on/take off the covers are all necessary skills for the groundsman.
My question? How do they know where to plant the light green grass seeds and dark green grass seeds to get that striped effect?
SKIP QUIP after one defeat "The pitch was a great leveller, shame the groundsman wasn't."

Evergreens circa 2030

The word "retirement" doesn't come into the mind of most Evergreen players, we are sure that John Grace (see action picture)^^^ will be around for ever.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

Work and play

Can you hold the line a moment Most Evergreen players are "retired", in other words, not in paid employment. Roger Merry still works and seems to spend a great deal of time in court, he can be found fielding in the deep waiting for the ball or even for a 'phone call.

Coaching

Colin Nigh (my middle name is perfection) says he learnt all his cricket skills from his enthusiastic headmaster (Mr Whackwell) at Burchmore Secondary Modern.
SKIP QUIP "Were you away the day they did the off drive?"
Colin claims the occasion caning "d.d.did m.me n.no h.h.harm at all"

Traditions.

It is an age old tradition that any player scoring 50 or more should buy a jug of beer so that team mates can celebrate his success. Sadly, a few players have found ways around this. Just recently, two unnamed openers put on a wonderful 110 for the first wicket (which itself had Charlie Brown scouring the record books). One decided to run himself out on 46, and his partner (in cricketing terms) stayed on 47 and went as far as blocking the last few deliveries of our 20 overs.
SKIP!!! Disciplinary action needs to be taken.

Close season.

It may not appear obvious, but during the close season, most Evergreen players make sure that they practice regularly. Jeff Geoff Read Reid would always offer to take his grand daughter out in the pram for "target practice". Well done! The practice has certainly paid off this season.

Evergreens' fielding.

Most of the Evergreens' squad have seen better days in the field (mainly in years starting with 196-). However, all players are adept at utilising their vast array of skills to stop/slow down/ (and even) catch the ball. Here we see ex-footballer, Ralph Abbott, using skills honed at Wroxall to help catch a member of the opposition.