Carl Prean.

To date, Carl has played 4 matches so far this season for the Evergreens (13 for Arreton, 5 for Ryde 49ers, 3 for Ruby Tuesday, 5 for I scream Sundae, 5 for Sheffield Wednesday, 2 for Maunday Thursday and 2 for Thaursday Monday. ) His batting average is an impressive 38.142857142857

Carl has calculated that he runs an average of 1.247 Km whilst fielding.

And an average of 0.33333333333333 catches per match.

SKIP QUIP:

"He's got more bats than Cheddar Caves"

Andy Vaughan ~ hello,hello,hello.

I am not allowed to tell you Andy's occupation, I'll just say he lives at 999 Letsby Avenue and it wouldn't be PC. Missed the start of the season due to "Shift work", so I assumed he was a removal man!

Andy played last season (first choice wicket keeper he tells me), first match he played, Skip threw the gloves to each player in turn and Andy was the only one to catch them both.

He was called to an emergency on Sandown beach recently where the 70 year old deck chair man had collapsed, it took Andy and 3 visitors some 25 minutes to get the poor chap upright again .

Andy "Skip" Morris

Nicknamed "Skip" because of the way he runs (call that running?).

Hard hitting Andy is an all rounder, able to bowl slow spin*** and doesn't ever mess about blocking deliveries when batting.

[*** his slow left arm spin makes you ask the question "Is he really right-handed?]

He captains the team with great efficiency and authority doing those important jobs that captains do (1) collecting match fees (2) organising next week's sandwiches (3) field placements, quote "Steve, go and field where Dear John kept missing them last week".

Andy "Skip" Morris has requested that I write a sentence with his name, and the words magnificent and inspirational included ~ well I have now.

Dave "Griff" Griffiths

"Griff" is another all-rounder, capable of mis-fielding in any position, claims that he is pushing 65, which is quite enough exercise. Once worked for the local council painting the white lines down the middle of roads, first day 3 miles, second day 2 miles, third day 1 mile. His boss asked how come he was doing less and less each day, Griff's reply "It's getting further and further to walk back to the tin".

Wives ~ you can't win.

Barbara was clearly upset, she had come out of the bathroom, "I've put on weight even though I'm dieting, I have found more grey hairs, I've got wrinkles around my eyes and I'm beginning to get a double chin. Steve, say something nice to cheer me up."

"There's nothing wrong with your eyesight love." I said.

STEVE PALMER

Steve has featured in all the matches to date mainly because (a) He buys skip a pint (b) Pays his match subs. first (c) His wife makes lovely teas and (d) Has taken the umpire home to Newport.

Industrious, pertinacious, vigorous, conscientious and indefatigable are 5 words that Steve has trouble spelling. He tells me he is enjoying his first season with the Evergreens and his wife is thankful that he's out of her way Thursday evenings. Expect more runs from Steve now that Pete Lambourne (no relation) has given him his old boots.

Champagne moment: With Steve as wicket keeper, two batsmen attempted a quick single, Steve kicked the ball a full 20 metres hitting the stumps and running out the astonished batsman.

COLIN "Thendizz" NIGH

Colin "Oneshot" Nigh is one of the team's all rounders meaning that his batting and bowling skills are about equal. His favourite shot is the swing to leg which he attempts at every opportunity (i.e. 6 times an over). Colin let it slip that he belongs to Ventnor AA, (anonymous alcoholics), they meet in Ventnor to get drunk but they don't know each others' names.

Colin can claim to be an international cricketer as he played for England against a Rest of the World XI whilst holidaying at Pontin's Aberystwatch in 1958. He will rarely run a two - Skip's quip "I've seen milk turn quicker".

MERRY ROGER

Born Roger Disappointing, he decided to change his name to Derek Disappointing on his 18th birthday but has since changed it to Roger Merry. Roger has recently returned from a cruise in the Baltic, if you have trouble sleeping, invite him around to listen to his interesting tales of the Baltic (a book/film due shortly). Probably the team's fastest runner and skip deploys him to cover ALL the boundary on the long side of the field, must be in the team for his batting it CANNOT be for his bowling.

Roger will be opening his gardens to the public in August.

Overheard in the shower last match with John Dear. Roger asked how John could manage to swing his balls both ways ~ I was too embarrassed to wait for a reply.
Roger entered a veteran's 400m high hurdle event recently, sadly he smashed his personal best!!!

GLENN MORLEY from Morley glen.

Glenn was born in Surrey (Surrey to hear that) which was handy as that's where his parents lived. Whilst interviewing Glenn for this write up he told me that he was secretly a cook and had written a few books on the subject. His first was "Orange things you can eat" ~ not a best seller, whilst at the moment he is working on "The A-Z of green things you can eat", he's been stuck on "P" for some time now. He has also started on "101 interesting things about Arreton", with just 98 to go before the book is finished.

Regularly opens the batting for the Evergreens and a few beer bottles after the game.Kind enough to lend me his reserve bat ~ thanks very much.

Glenn hates being given out LBW (Leg before wobbly), a recent lbw decision against him "It hit me too high"... I was half way down the wicket"..."I got an inside edge"....etc etc.

Glenn threw a wobbly ~ Skip Quip "You threw that wobbly further than you throw the ball"

BOB FREER

Bob is one of the team's eleven slow bowlers, he has been spotted outside the Trouville Hotel in Sandown (they paid for this advert!) most mornings practising his bowling along the Esplanade. Why,why, why you may ask. There's a speed camera there, his fastest run up is 13 miles per hour (21.8 km/hr) and the ball travels at 20 mph.

Bob's batting has slightly improved on last season with a top score of 3 ~ skip was heard to quip "Bob's batting knows no boundaries".

JOHN DEAR ~ the silver streak.

Arguably the team's fastest and most economical bowler. Andy (Skip/Guv/Boss) describes John as effervescent, I can't remember when he effer vasn't. John recently retired as headteacher of a local Middle School, before teaching, he was a minor film star, appearing in "Lassie" where he took the lead.

I heard John explaining to a team mate recently that his box is the same one he had as a schoolboy, not sure whether that's good or bad.

When John took up his initial teaching post, he was advised to be the disciplinarian, he marched into his first classroom and stated, loudly and clearly "My name is MISTER Dear and I would like to be known as such."

He was thereafter known as Mister Such.

John missed a few games recently ~ the truth to be revealed... he has returned to acting, this time as Richard Gere's stunt double in his latest film "Saturday down the Palais", John does the fandango with his fan in one hand and his dango in the other.

John lives fairly close to the Westhill ground, indeed it's a stone's throw away ~ that's why his windows are broken!

LEE SCOTT and SCOTT LEE.

Lee Scott or Scott Lee, it depends which end he is bowling from, is the team's opening bowler. One of the few team members who is able to bend down to pick up the ball, probably the team's best fielder especially when he does that slide on one leg to retrieve the ball, very impressive. Comes from New Zealand to play every game (that's the name of his house in Ryde).

Lee does have a phobia ~ it's anoraknaphobia ~ a fear of spiders wearing waterproof jackets.

Has a part time job at the Isle of Wight rock making shop in Sandown, he checks, individually, each stick of rock for any spelling errors.

MATT LAMBOURNE (No relation).

Matt is the team's "token teenager", at present the only batsman to score more than his age this season. His lusty blows to the boundary are a trade mark of his innings. An occasional bowler who only features when the game would appear to be won. One of the smartest dressed members of the team, his mum makes sure his whites are whitest of whites. She sent a note to the skipper so that Andy must make sure Matt is wearing the sleeveless** sweater that his nan knitted for him.

** sleeves to be added during the close season.

GEOFF READ (AKA Jeff Reed)

Geoff has recently finished work as a postman (he was given the sack), Geoff is a man of many parts (just two are working at present). He has featured in games as a wicket-keeper (Sponsored by RYDE DEMOLITION), and occasionally as a slow bowler, his meandering run up confuses both batsmen and fielders alike. Took 6 wickets at Ryde 49ers recently, but had to give them back.

Favourite end to bowl from: The cigarette end.

SKIP's QUIP "Geoff, if you are given out lbw, don't go off in a huff, wait a bit longer and go off in a minute and a huff"

JOHN GRACE ~ fielder supreme.

John is regarded as having "the safest pair of hands" in the team, personally, I have never seen him spill a drop. Regularly fields close to the bat, risking life and limb for his team mates. Apparently, John says he would field further out if he were allowed his mobility scooter.

A few nicknames for John ~

SWOOPERMAN or HAWKEYE ~ just watch him fielding!!

Champagne moments: John's two stunning catches at Ryde 49ers.

RALPH ABBOTT (2 teas, no sugar)

Regular opening batsman, Ralph Abbott, has been playing for the Evergreens since he made his debut a while back. Always contributes with good scores (double figures), one of the team's most consistent batsmen. Usually wears a cap when batting in sunny weather so that the reflection doesn't disturb the bowlers' concentration (how sporting!).

Ralph had a number of seasons opening the batting for Godshill, this was because, historically, the Godshill XI always batted in alphabetical order. When the world famous Aardvark octuplets (Vic, Dick, Rick, Mick, Nick, Ned, Fred and Ringo) joined then Ralph dropped to ninth ~ so he left.

Ralph is the team's practical joker, be careful team mates, he may slip some of his wife's undies into your cricket bag whilst you are batting, just wait for your wife's reaction when she finds them.

(My wife, fortunately, believes that story!)